Monday, October 29, 2007
Home Sweet Home
i miss home sorely. my own home.
dont get me wrong im not implying that im not thankful to share a roof with my nenny n the whole lot of them. i love all of them. loads.
but when sometimes many becomes too many i bet u'll be feelin exactly what im feeling at this present moment.
i used to hate stayin at my parents 4-rm flat in Jrg west [which i also refer it as my home too] cos the house feels way tooo big for me.. i dread coming home to a big, quiet home. During the times i stayed there, my parents are mostly out workin all the time or either they are out social networkin. i dont blame them, honestly. just that it gets so freaky bored doin nothin at home but just facing my PC all day long.
And during that time my bros were still very small and of course having both parents workin day in day out they resort to employin a domestic worker to help looked after my bros n do the house cleaning n such.
and me, will spent time loiterin around with my friens, goin over their house or they coming over my house. all of my secondary school years are simply wasted like that. rather then go for supplementary classes or muggin together we'll be at the mall. or shopping ard all wasting our time.
i used to envy those living at with nennny's. her house is always SO filled with pple living there. there's never a day where nenny's house will be so damn quiet. its always happening. plus she got all the stuffs there. cable, Internet u name it she got it. Not that we dont have it at my home either, but somehow all those stuffs loses its appeal to me while im home. coz bottom line is im freaky fucking bored!
so things took a change. im like shuffling between my nenny's n my own. cos being at the tender age of 13-17 i was like any other rebellious teen. having arguements with my parents, mum namely. i dont like having lengthy conversations with her, not wanting to share whatever dats happening in my life ranging from bf issues to friends/academic issues n etc.
but thank god after the divorce me n dear mama was SO SO close back together. i could talk to her on anything under the skies. i not only look upon her as my mum now but also a fren, a counsellor, a confidante n etc. e divorce did hv sum gd effect afterall. haa
so im like living 3 days at nenny's and the remaining 4 days at my own abode.
of it'll be like wkdays at nenny's n wkends at my parents.
i like that arragement as i have the best of both worlds.
so eventually my parents got separated as in divorce
[which so happen when i was takin my fucking GCE 'N' Levels! i'll be lyin if i say it didnt totally affect me. i was like very fucking emotional, one moment cryin, the the next im like all ok dont let this whole thing get to me n stuffs. cos at that point of time i fail to see why or how my parents marriage has gone awry. seriously at that point of time i was an emotional wreck]
so by right they have to sell the matrimonial house but up to date they have not done so as they say property prices are very unpredictable and they dont wanna suffer a loss by having to come up with cash even when they wanna sell e house away. then, from then till today they have been renting the house, and both parties get equal share of e rent but somehow dear mama always managed to keep daddy's share as well. maybe Pop willingly let her keep the rent all to herself, cos afterall she n dear mama goes way long back.
From the divorce date, its been decided that me n my bros will have to move in with nenny officially. i was happy cos all was goin indeed very well. i mean i get to go back as late as i want up till 4-5am wout my mum naggin at me n such, no one to stop me from doin anything like hitting the clubs at age 16 or any other stupid foolish silly stufss which i had done back then. its like whoa! finally im free on adult supervision, not totally free. but atleast free from momma. n u know how its been said that grandparents are always more supportive n sportin to let u give a shot at anything which is in another way of saying : u wanna try, then go for it. when u taste the medicine of it den blame yrself. u had it coming. while with e parents its always : no way no go, u SO cant do that. ive been thru dat, n done that n now i wudnt want u to be following in my stupid steps n let history repeat itself. n being a teenager, curious to try everything, i ofcoz prefer nenny to parents.
so initially all was ok. we had fun. total madness. coz at dat time there were only like 3 pple living with nenny - herself, my 5th aunt n my 2nd uncle.
then after we move in it became a whopping 7 pple - nenny, aunt, uncle, me, 2 bros n e domestic worker.
[i cant recall if out domestic worker was sent back or her contract has already ended, but e domestic worker dat was then living with us was under my nenny employment cos my nenny said an extra pair of hands will do her good, plus its gonna help dear mama save up ALOT too]
then somehow along the way my 1st aunt got divorced too so.. so e statistics of pple living with us escalated. her kids move in with us while she try to see if she can get any place to rent n such. so from 7 pple, add another 3... so that equals up to 10 pple!
i tell ya having 10 pple living with us is total madness. i did mention rite, thay my mum put up at her friend while my dad move back in to my paternal gramps. while my 1st aunt move in with her fren as well.
so most of the nights with all my sassy,cranky n not to mention crazy cousins n 5th aunt we of course did not sleep. we waste the night laffing away, tellin stories, pouring out woes n of coz gloat at each other same fate. haa! man.. those were the nights! with so many pple cramped up in such a small house, absolute crazyness!
did i also mention dat nenny is living in a 3-rm flat? which so happen to be a 15mins away from town, esplanade, city n etc. man, what cud we bloody hell ask for.?
the things took another change.. my cuzzys were back living with my 1st aunt. after all her divorce proceeds the court rule that she get to keep the matrimonial house. so her kids are back in tow with her.
and from there things slowly start changing for the worst. pple at nenny house changed which is very UNEXPECTED of the said person, became 2-faced, hypocrites, back stabbing. lotsa family politics n such. and my stuff was being rummaged now n then. things are constantly lost but we cant blame anybody cos there's too many pple in the house. so we'll just have to shrug it off. no other option left. n we have occasional miscommunication, arguements, dont see eye-to-eye on matters, but the occasional is very fast changing to almost so frequently now.
Gone are the days where my cuzzys n my 4th aunt [she's only 3-4 yrs my senior so that makes her in our clique] will get highly intoxicated every wkends spending the nite sitting n talking shit at the esplanade, town, lucky plaza all wasted away. oh, how i miss all those nights. now.. its even so impossible. cos 4th aunt is already engaged n other cuzzys are way too busy to be spending time around cuzzys anymore coz bfs/gfs or friends have since taken up top-notch 1st priorty from cousins
then my 4th uncle return home after like 3-4 yrs awy from us so now we're back with 10 pple yet again.
n im slowly thinking of all the stuffs i used to have at my Jrg west house.
where i have my own wardrobe, own dress-up table, own room, own bed all solely all mine.
the wide vast space i used to have.. - living in a 3-rm flat with 10 pple, i tell ya space is a premium!
toilets all to myself. tables to lay my perfumes, begs my own book shelves my own drawer where i locked all my stuffs.
sigh.. now suddenly i yearn to go back to that big, quiet empty house which i used to shun back then.
typical isnt it, only when u lost something then will u start tresurin n cherishing it. n same theory apply to people too. lost someone den act all frantic panicky realise the mistakes yada yada yada... crap shits.
