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Sunday, July 26, 2009
emo rabak

Quick update : -

  • had a crazzzyyyy mad happenning bday chalet !
  • unexpectedly got myself a cake frm bby.
  • thousand, no.. million THNKS for my usual suspects - bby n star, lee n ipin, lynn, meimei, zee, mo, ain who came n make it alot more crazzy!
  • received a bouquet of lovely flowers, lilies to be exact, delivered to me at my workplace on my bday. :D
  • met up with my belurved ITE mates
  • watched Transformers at e big screen twice, and trust me - its no enuff!
  • catched Harry Potter and the half blood prince on e very first day it was aired at the screen n boy, its was a waste of my fucken money! The story line is so damn flat!
  • extremely down n sad now.
  • really really really an emotional wreck. mind is not thinking straight
  • cannot help but to keep thinking of it. Boohoo.
It drop like a bombshell to me when he told me the big news. I was so speechless. Nothing came out of my mouth. All i cud say is just - oh n wow. God, i dun even noe how to react. Should i be happy for him? Mad at him? Or sad for myself?

It sucks to know exactly when he is leaving. Leaving, god damnit! For GOOD. Migrating for fuck sake! Tell me, how am i supposed to take it lying down n be ok abt it??! I'll be lying thru my teeth n deluding myself if i were to say im ok. I dont wanna be delusional.

We're like living on borrowed time. The situation at hand is akin to u loving someone who got a terminal disease n dying in.. say like.. 4 more mths. Tell me, are u ok w it ??

To look at it frm a differen angle, its good cos we havnt go on into a rship, so eventually it wont hurt dat much.
But it also pain me like a son of a bitch, knowing dat we cant hv a relationship together.
farkfarkfark.

11more months. Long way to go, some may say. But it will pass like a twinklin of an eye.
Like i said, we gonna be living on borrowed time. The time we have will be so limited. N now, knowing that we ony got 11more mths, all e more it will make me wanna exceed it.

i honestly am losing sleep over this. And im not ok, people.
Drinking my sorrows down doesnt help at all.
Say whatever u wanna say pple. Call me a loser or whatsoever, bby.
Seriously, it is taking its toll on me.

Nothing hurts more than to be frens with someone, knowing you're both in love with each other and yet not being able to be together.

Maybe like what Lee said yest, to cease contact w each other is eventually the best way for now.

Lee, Lynn - thnks for e company n for being there when i need someone to pour out my woes to.

Listening to : - i dont love you by MCR