* bumped into Wawa at Bugis today. Man, she surely has changed drastically. Very drastically, i must say.
* Saw Ayie, Coco's small bro last wkend. He has grown up now. He didnt recog me, but yet he knew Baobei. That bonch is sure famous.
* Suprisingly, im now FRENS w someone whom last time i wanted to drag her blardy arse face on e road -- ( Truth be told, im ony gvg Baobei face. Honestly. God noes how i am SO-anti her. )
* Bumped into Sheila Chubby few wks ago, or was it alr a mth ?
* Saw my 1st love during my sec sch yrs at Geylang Bazaar during the holy mth of Ramadhan. N i cudnt recog him! Surprise-surprise! It took me more den just a few looks at him to pinpoint who the hell is he.
* e 1st love mentioned above EX acknowledged me. Now, after so many yrs had passed.? Why n for what, i wonder. *aini shakes head* N u noe at whr ? My workplace, no less.! Keppel is indeed a place to rekindle old times ehh. She rang me up personally. I ony hv 1 word to say - WOW. Its really really unexpected n not essential at all. For e record, I dun hv e slightest interest to reminisce old memories for now.
* Bumped into many of my old sec sch mates, internet mates lately.
* Big Chicken is back in my life.
* So is Neil Azhar. ( why do pple come altogether all at the same time huh ? )
* Mr JM is back in Sgp
* I kinda miss ApitBaby.
* Happy belated bday to Yan. = )
* I MISS FARABI. TRUCKLOADS. WHERE HAVE U M.I.A HUH DUDE ???
* Youngest Bro had been circumsized. Like finally. Ok, i know this is so totally irrelevant. Hee.

Sometimes, he surpassed what i expect of him. Take for instance, we hv since gone public. And he's the one who initiated it. I never thought that wud ever happen. Not even in my nite-dreams or daytime-sandcastle-building, i swear. Randomly He asked me out, afterwhich wen we reach e destination he told me one of his brader was der too, we can go out like on a dbl date. I was so taken aback that i asked him to repeat it several times n i cudnt help but be curious n kept on askin why. He was so pissed off at me during that time. Well, its not fully 100% public yet, but like almost 80-90%. I noe u pple may say : - PUBLIC ?? WTF, does this girl think she's some kind of hollywood A-star celeb..? Ok here is the real deal, readers : - (read yr fill, n undastsand it. betta make sure u do, otherwise, it wud be defeatin the whole purpose on why im so enthusiastic abt dis topic.)

Well, ours is a kinda isolated/weird/peculiar/abnormal case that may not be dat rare to some. It was nothing near easy frm the beginning. Going public means a big thing to us. :) The shit dat both of us went thru before we reach to our current comfy zone now, was nowhere near wonderful or a mind-blowing one. Instead, it was somethin dat was nauseous, start-of-a-migrane, one-which-caused-u-to-vomit-n-hv-nitemares. It was filled with loads of negativity, multiple brain-washing frm various pple, mind-poisonin frm various sources, pple drifitn us apart n creating a wedge btwn us, others gvg us their 2 cents worth which i dun think is neccessary or relevant, whats w me bein one of his so-called close fren's EX which in turn kinda tarnish my reputation, and to top it off, that fren of his scarred me for abit n pretty much scare me causing me to back off frm dating for quite a period of time, which is also the reason of me bein extra, EXTRA, EXTRA cautious. [*When in actual real fact, i wanted to get to noe him first before that arsehole. But he alr passed me e verdict of dead sentence after hearin frm one side ony.So unfair n unjust. **okay, u so do not wanna get me started on this topic, i cud go on forever, really. Typing like its for a new drama script. Keke. ]

Plus words can start fly ard, sayin im someone who's cheap/loose/immoral who flings frm one to another etc. Some pple can be really downrite cruel n malicious w their words. Words are very deadly. Never belittle it. Its enuff to be a start of a chaotic destruction disaster. Things was pretty bad. We hv to go out together on the sly, not letting anyone know, like a criminal who's on e run whose life is on the nook. He hv to save my name under some other alias to avoid suspicion. Then there's e annoying question which both of us dread to answer. And wen i bumped into him outside w one of his fren whiom i also knew, i had to pretend n ask who is he. Like a formal tete-a-tete, im bla n bla. He's so n so. What crap! That kinda shit, u noe. And those dat i mentioned above are ony pittance of it. There still are others which is impossible for u to fathom n imagine. Even up-to-date, i still have some of the silly disturbances goin on, n chances are it wont stop, but rather it will be continuous.

For now, i can safely say, we hv gone thru some thick/thin, bad/gd moments. We're not rili gd in expressin what our feelings are but we do communicate alot. Communication is very vital to me. He's gd n bad in his own ways. All of us are, isnt it ? At times, i find that i hv a love-hate thing gg on with him. We hv our fair share of ugly fites. Really very soapy, emotional, drama-mama fugly fites, but like any other, we wud always make up afterwhich. N dat makes us bond stronger. During this few mths, i began to realise, he somehow hv toned down my ego for a fair bit over time. Very shocking n unbelievable indeed. Comparin the old aini n the current one, i myself hv personally seen many vast changes n some improvements in me. My closest ones too hv mentioned it to me several, multiple times. Its been said, its better to lose yr ego over someone u love rather den to lose someone u love over yr ego. . After my last-never-to-be-mentioned-or-shared-with-anyone rship, the one which made my life topsy-turvy to the extent ill i nearly lose my sanity, i of all person shud know way better about the above saying. If you are wonderin or asking, we do hv our sweetest moments too, which i think i shall not divulge here, otherwise some may think im really praising him to the skies. Ok, maybe i'll just blogged about some ..

More often then not, he's always unexpected, very unpredictable n unforeseen. No typical sucking up, honey coated words or sweet-acts. We are not a fan of public display of affection. No manje2 eh, we save that for BRM talk/activities. *evil cheeky smile. Huhu.* To me, PDA is so the norms, very common n boring. There are some who may find it's loving n such. Sometimes, we do too hv very minimal PDA. There's a sayin, Great Mind thinks alike. N we share e same mindset! Like by sudden kissing me by surprise, that will totally swept me off the feet.! Hallo, u are caught unalarmed n off-guard oke! [[Imagine, u are at the up-moving escalator with many pple, he's infront of u, u are standing bhind him, den SUDDENLY n VERY unexpectedly, he turned n kissed u on the lips, and move on to the forehead n etc.. Bet u wud be jolted like a thunderbolt n be blushing like how i was.! I was as red as a lobster, i tell ya! I was literally dumbfounded but astounded in awed. (*_*).]] As i say, we're both kinda shy-shy, u see. (^_^) We say/do things directly indirect. I bet u peeps dun undastand what i meant w e word - directly indirect.

Only when it come to feelings, our mouths wud be super-glued tightly. We are somehow shy n hv no idea how to convey it across . Usually when its abt feelings, we drop very subtle hints. We usually say it, in btwn words or behind sentences. But fortunately, we both undastand what each party is driving at. Thats what i think, telepathy is. Ceywayyyy aini... telepathy seyyy !! Huahua! Ony wen 1 party gets too long-winded ( which most of the time is, none-other den Yours Truly of course), or digressed, be it intentionally or no, den the other one will interrupt n asked to stop beating ard the bush n cut to the chase - Something which i feel shud hv been done frm the very beginning, time/effort/saliva-consuming, no brain-twisting required & simpler. The more u talk/think, the more it will lead to much confusing complications - agree ??

Sometimes, he do things dat i really didnt anticipate. In some pple's eyes which i tink i know who and to others, he may be a bad/rotten jerk who is out to toy with my feelings n cheat me of my pennies n dimes. However, no, thats not the case. That wasnt the impression he gv me. Ok maybe, he may hv flirt with some other chicas, hv other gerls goin out with him, ladies callin n smsin him n stuffs. Its ony fair if i dun intrude on his pvt space. Im all for hvg frens of e other gender when u're attached. That is not a valid reason for you to ditch all yr male/female frens. That is yr own personal circle of frens dat i dun wanna refrain you frm having. I too hv frens of the opp sex gg out w me, callin me n etc..

To me, So long as you know what your limitations are and you know what are your dos n donts, then im perfectly fine with it. Dont do things dat you dont want others to do to u. Be smart n wise enuff, also bear in mind dat u cant be too promiscuous or coquettish. Play yr cards right, and this wont be a problem in yr rship. Im sure u do not want yr other half to be flirting with some Jane or Mary, so likewise, u dont do the same thing with any Tom/Dick or Harry.

Plant this thought in yr mind : - The world is round. What goes around will definitely comes around. It may not be now, but sooner or later it will still come n get u. U mite hv forgotten abt it, it will strike u when u least expect it. That's how Karma works bebehh.
**Get this stemmed in your brain, it serves as a deterrent before u harbour any harsh, evil cruel plans up yr sleeve.!**

U dun just drop the whole entire whole, shun all yr existing frens/families or cease all contacts for the sake of yr partner/rship rite? That is absurb! If things are not working out n u decided to split yr ways, arent u the one at the losing end.? U wud hv absolutely NO ONE. U gotta nurse yr own broken heart, sing yr own heart-breaking emo shit super-dead SLOW songs, gorge yrself silly w chocolates till u're obese like Fat Bustard, cry yrself to sleep evrynite till dat become yr daily routine lullaby while huggin dat cheapskate bear he bought, hoping he'll come back running to you?? Awwww.. what a pathetic little shit u are, u anti-social loner! Yr gt yr just deserts, if u ask me. U jolly well hv this coming. So u deserve it. U create n dig yr own misery "grave." Nothing last forever baby. Nothing is for eternal or infinity. Get real!

Ur thinking is locked that Yr undying love for each other n solely e two of u is sufficient for evrything? All other things are deem as not essential.? Okay okay.. maybe dats a little far-fetch la kan. But my point is, we all need frens. You life doesnt revolves ard u n yr partner only. Frens serves alot of motives in life. Networkin/frens n family relations n ties is equivalent as impt as yr other half. They're vital, essential, critical, crucial, substantial. They're a primary staple n a grave must-have core in life. This is something that should go without saying. But, Love is blind, or in my take, my personal opinons, Loves make u blind. :)

This is just my own 2cent's worth, im not demanding that all shud agree w me. Just that i feel its inane n moronic for either party to do that, i mean, why abandon yr entire circle of frens over someone whom u hv no idea if they're gonna stick w u all e way to the end. Pple change in a twinkling of an eye. In a split second, u may find that u no longer know him/her anymore. There's no telling or stopping if one is adamant on changing. Boys/frens, its all e same. Both may come n go. Some may stay n stick it out, some may throw in the towel halfway. The world os filled with many many pples with different characters n personality. It all boils dwn to each individual self, i guess. How u choose yr fren/partner plays a great deal. Oh well, to each his own. Im running away frm my topic further n further.

Come to think of it, If he really hv the intention to cheat me of my money, why wait till now.? If he wanted to toy with me or rather to get back at me on his fren behalf (which i tink is really uncalled-for, im the victim back den, never dat arsehole!), he cud hv done it, in the early stages, why bother to drag the whole tink this far ? If u pple are guessing that maybe he's waiting for his bday to be over, so dat he can rcvd his pressies, and afterwhich he's gonna ditch me. Well, it cud go both ways. Either a yes or a no. But my take is : - If he hv intention of doin that, He cud hv done it eons ago. As I dun wait for his bday to come ONY to gv him stuffs, n neither does he. Whenver i see tinks dat reminds me of him, i will auto get it fer him. N i believe the same goes for him too. This, i can say it with full confidence cause he had done it for Yours Truly. :)
**But nobody says no to presents rite? So why shud he turn it down eh ? Just a matter of few more wks or so, he mite as well wait kan ?**

Oh wells. If that is really his ultimate plan n motive, den goody n kudos for him. Ala...... Come what may, if the worst really happen, atleast i know n i experience it for myself, how hurting the fall is and how hard it is for me to get up again. Im like that, i prefer to fall on my own, i appreciate pple concerns n worries over me. But i like to experience it for myself, so i can be remembered of how the unberable pain is. I gotta feel the pain myself. That doubles up as a lesson very well learnt n well embedded in mind. The more pple tell me to back off n step down, to avoid getting hurt, the more im adamant about not heedin e advice. Its reverse psychology dah-lings. :)

Ok so, He may or may not hv an ulterior motive, that i cant really tell or able to find out. I dun deny dat initially i also hv the thinking dat he's just the same like any other. I know, im being very judgemental here. Apologies, but wen it comes to matters like dis, im selfish. I place myself in top numero uno always, solely only ME before others. *(u cant blame me for that hokay ?! Im once bitten, twice shy. Its natural n a must for one to be cautious before taking the leap. U dun just jump into something without doing some recce-ing.)* But he proved me wrong. Im not defending him, neither am i speaking up for him. Nor am i painiting a nice n wonderful picture of him, i believe i did mention somewhere in this long entry dat he hv his EEEWWW, me-hating-him-to-the-core, him-breakin-my-heart-to-mini-tiny-pieces, i-hoping-that-he-just-drop-dead-n-bloody-rot-in-hell attitude too.

But at the end of the day, Yours-Truly is the one goin thru e hardship/luxurious/cloud-nine/seventh-heaven/depressing/upsetting/maddening/pissed-off/saddening times with him. Im the one who's 24hrs a day, 7days a wk, 30+- days in a month with him, so i know what's best. Casting affection aside, i've wisen up alr, i wont let me by my own downfall. I know what works best n what is good for me. I know when to pull n push. Trust me, i wont let myself be a victim to stupidity caused by me. That is very downrite stupid. Only someone with a smaller than pea-sized brain wud voluntarily n gladly let her own self be a victim.

He hv done it all, He have made me cried tears of anger/happiness/sadness/dissapointment and all other emotions dat u can think of. At times, he try his very best to accedes to almost all my sometimes-silly-n-nonsensical whims, but ony whenever he think its reasonable n possible.

He scolds like a parent, nags like a mum, stern like most dads, cares like a nurse, hv WORLD- CLASS CHAMPION patience like a social worker, supervise like a teacher, advices like an advisor, irritates like my bros, offend me like an enemy, counsel me like a counsellor, pamper me like a small bby, indulge in my silly-stupid moments/requests, dropped me sentence(s) like a judge on a hearing trial, blame me like a lawyer, interrogate me like a CID officer, question me like he dun hv any trust on me, cheers me up like a clown, made me smile frm ear to ear, suprises me like a magician, made me pull long faces longer den Pinocchio nose, cooks like a Chef, made me laff till my cheeks n stomach are in pain (at times till i cried too,), meticulous like a auditor, plans like a planner, made me cried like im a BIG-TIME SINNER who is beyond redemption, pass snide n sarcastic remarks like im indifferent, is muthafarkin excessively jealous like im constantly flirtin infront of him, making me jealous n makin me witness it like i am heartless n devoid of all other emotions, perks me up like an Energizer batt, boost up my confidence level till im so full of myself, and brings me back to rough soils on Earth when my head is way too up in the sky, protects me like he's a bouncer, shield me like an armour, shines me up like the sun, praise me to the Saturn, makes me happy to see that smile on my face,

brighten me like a colourful rainbow, apologise as if today is my last day on earth (ony applicable when its is fault), reminds me like a buzzing reminder, jokes like a joker who is well-liked by many, entertains me like a circus entertainer, exact revenge in an excessively much evil way, amuse me with his antics/actions/words like he's a veteran comedian, alarms me like a alarm clock complete with snoozing, speaks up for me like a well-known speaker, decides like he hv the final say - all e time!, control me when im uncontrollable, is SUPER DUPER stubborn till i am at e brink of giving up sometimes, insist on getting his way holding no regards for others, testin my patience till i lost myself, makes my blood boils till im about to burst a blood vessel, lies to me thru his teeth without feeling guilty, do ludicrous things till i am turning Green like Hulk, listens to me like in a listenin comprehension test, complains worst den a typical auntie, gossip like a Mami Jarum, bitched abt others like he's super perfect, nurture n instill more patience in me, manage my anger like in a anger-mgmt class, tolerate my at-times unreasonable, intoleratable, farking attitude, endure my farked-up spiteful words n mood swings, motivates like an avid NDP motivator, persuades likes the Never-Say-Die battery which was advertised, cracks me up like a bottle opener, encourages like a principal who's fully commited.

My Baobei, that's what he's like. In short, to me : - He's all in one, one in a million at times, both in e gd n e bad ways. He tries to be there whenever n wherever i need him. It may not be physically all the time, but i feel his presence everytime when the need arises. Be it thru phone conversations or SMSes.. I never tell him this, but i do appreciate having him by my side. Both in good or bad times. He never left me alone to fend for myself. But he also did not place me in numero uno position, im also not anything above the rest. I dun wish, am neither curious nor keen to know wat's my current standin in his life now. *(some things are best left unspoken.) Let's just say, he's gd with priorities. I dun feel left out/alienated or like an outcast while with his frens/family etc.

One thing that im assured, he cares for me, for my welfare, my well-being, my relationship ties w family n frens. Genuinely. Not fake or being plastic. He will ask abt so and so after i tell him about our concurrent going-on(s). Out of his own initiative, he will ask, not thru me. If he hv their cntcts, he wud liase directly. When he's buyin stuffs/food, if i happen to be there w my relatives/frens, he will auto get it for them as well. Dats thoughtful isnt it ? Tell me, hw many reprep(s) can u find doin dat nowadays?? He make it a point to ensure dat im hm safely evrytime after im out w him. In one occasion, he cudnt send me to e bus-stop as his family is fetching him. He make sure his blood : his trusted bro, to do the task for me. And to his blood to walk off only after im safely in e bus n after e bus has drove off.

No, he's not vying for a good spot in my book, he didnt bragged or was boastful abt it. He do it becaouse he wants to do it outta his own initiative. Everytime, i get to know abt this, its frm the opposite party itself. Like my relative wud informed me dat he smsed, was concerned n wud ask wat is the next followin step. Then he on the hand, wud make sure, i follow up on it n update him. At times, i kinda find him being a busybody. Meddling too much when he's not suppose to. Its not like everyone likes others poking their nose into the-affected parties.

Having said all this, i still can differentiate btwn him n my Precious Ones. Once irreplaceable, always irreplaceable oke, Precious Ones. Pple say, its nice n lucky to be in love w yr best fren. He's akin to my best fren, my close buddy, my bitchin partner, my listenin ear, my woes partner, my daily laughing pill, my at-times heart-wrecking fren, my sobbin partner, and my once-in-a-blue-moon God-reminding-n-God-fearing fren.

He knows where to get me at my weakest, my strongest, my saddest, my happiest. And thats all that matters. Happiness is ony short-lived. So treasure it while u still can. I've come to a stage where i dont wanna to be sad/depress over something which i hv no clue will happen or no, so i rather cherish what im having on my plate currently. Im living for the present. Not the past nor future. The past has already gone. U can only learn frm it n let it remain as memories. For the future, u can only hope n plan. But sometimes, hoping n planning too much doesnt always proves to be good. You mite end up dissapointed. Many a times, u tend to let yrself be too hopeful, wout u realising it. With hopes comes expectations. When u cant live up to yr own expectations dat u ownself set without u noticing it, when thing come crushing down, the impact will hit u rili hard.

I may not be his officially girl-friend. He did not voice me out to be his special one. Im not officially his. Both of us are neither each other's property. (we are not commodity, to begin with) We have no anniversary. We dont do monthsary too. No buying of those mthly or annual presents. No counting of how many days we're together. I am not his girl. We're not in a relationship, but one thing for sure, he sure make me feel like im his n im in one. Only a much amazing, fantastic, fantasy-alike, no-commitment, no pressure, stress-free one.

What we do is, we count the hours we're together n we celebrate weeksary. *wide smile*
**U pple do noe, dat im jokin w the above sentence kan ? **

We will hogged on the phone for almost 2-10 or more hrs daily. 2 being the most mininum. A day wont go by comfortably when we dont hogged on the phone. And no, we never run out of topics. We go dine at places whr both of us hv nvr went before, introducing each other to food/place which the other party hv not try out. Venturing out activities, places dat both of us are clueless abt. Doing 1st-time activities that we hv never do before like : - me following him on his delivery rounds at work, feedin him economic rice in his c/o vech while he busy sending goods, gg to places dat are semi out of reach which i find is scenic n unique. Heard of Sungai Tengah ? I bet u dont. Doing things for the 1st time always leave a deeper n lasting memories arent they ?

We remember when we took our 1st pics together, where was it taken, when did he first held my hands, when did he say those magical words,(ony wen we both truly mean it which is completed with actions to prove, not just yr cheap empty talks eh. Action speaks louder den wrds kan? This is action combined w words. Lethal enuff ?), when was the first time he spout vulgarities at me, wat caused it n what vulgarities did he spout, when/where/why we had our biggest,ugliest fite ever, den hw we wud make up after it, when e first time i lied to him n wat was it abt, wen he made me cried non-stop for days n wat was it abt, how he pull a prank on me which i took it very very bad, when did he first slammed the phone on me, when did he first raise his voice at me, when did i go against his words, when did i do things dat he dont know/dont approve, why i did not inform him dat his bros look for him thru me, why i reply to his bros msgs/calls without consulting or informin him, why i did not come clean or confess to him on some certain things, when was e first time i do things behind his back, why i did not linform him when his bro rang me up n hv quite a convo.

I need no bouquet of rose, stacks of banknotes, sweet sugary honey-coated lips, cutesy bears, or high end expensive chocs to make me a delightful gerl. I believe he too dont need fanciful watches, brandeds wallets, hundreds dollars shoes, limited editions tees/caps to make him a grinning guy. **thou it wud be nice, if we cud hv it** Hee. :D

To quote someone very dear n precious to me (but somehow, my gut feeling abt 98% says that she no longer treats/see me like before, instead i tink she alr strike me with a BIG RED CROSS OUTTA her life. ) : As long as at the end of the day, we're still together, NOTHING else matters.