Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Today, Yours Truly is feeling kinda weepy a lil bit. You see, someone who makes me look forward coming work to, is gonna be gone for 1month. Full 30 days.
And over the last few days, i can safely say we have bond quite a bit. Looking back, only God n close ones knows how crazily he had "took" over my life and thoughts back then. But now, I have alr decide to back off on him, cause i had finally looked beyond it. Think we would be much better off remaining as friends and not more then that. Finally the good sense in me kicked in. I figure, it would only complicate matters if i decide to pursue further.
God is truly putting me thru many tests right now. Just when i had already decide that im good this way w him, he himself had to come over n tell me stuffs which i wished he would be telling me back then when i am having those forbidden hots for him.
By right, he should not even be coming over to meet me anymore cause he had officially hand over his job temporarily to someone else. Today he came over thrice. Coming over 3x in a day is prolly a lil too much isnt it? Especially when his dept is short-handed. The 3rd time he came, he bid me his final adieu. Telling me to wait patiently for his return, telling me he will be missing me, telling me to expect some gifts from him from his origins. And many other stuffs which i am not comfortable penning it dwn here. Somehow it gv me the impression, like suddenly now, im his gf? Its more then just a normal goodbye, we both knew it. Its difficult to put in into words. The presense, the air, the surrounding, the gaze, the words,
I mean, what's all this? Why is this only happening now? Like as if i am not troubled enuff w 2 on hand, now a third has made known his interest, express stuffs which he shouldnt. Especially after he had shown me his gf's pic just barely 24hrs ago.
Someone close to me said this : " Enjoy it while it last."
Maybe i should really loosen up, let my hair down, stop thinking so much n have my fair share of fun. I mean, what's e worst that could happen? I jolly am well prepared for the worst. I know stuffs or more precise, moments like this are only short-lived. And im very well aware of the consequences that i may need to face. All the aftermath of it.
Now, im just gonna shut everything else, turn a blind eye n a deaf ear n enjoy basking in these moments. Procrastinating or even pondering isnt gonna help at all, not even a wee bit. So why even bother to put yrself thru all these turmoil? Afterall, i hv already went overboard, over the line, over the limits, passing all the boundaries which i knew i shouldnt. So how much worst can it really get if i carry on w these mistakes..
If u wanna go dwn, u might as well go down all the way.
Somehow, wout me realising it, my mindset, mentality have already accustomed itself to this.
On a whole lighter note, my boss is away on leave for 1 full week! Weehee!
