Thursday, January 24, 2008
why?
why is it when one door opens,
then suddenly after that,
u find that,
SO many others doors open for u on that very precise moment ?
why are things always happening in a clash?
why when i asked for only 1,
i have to be presented with loads of em?
why must it be so confusing for me, when its of nothing to others?
why do i find it complicating?
why am i feeling that the whole world is against me now?
why must it be very manipulating for me?
or am i the one who choose or shall i say MAKE things out to be complicated, confusing n manipulating?
i really dont like all this that's happening lor.
serious serious dont like it, period!
can someone do me the honours of shooting me pls?
so i dont hv to face this shits.
n i thought running away, self terminating, shutting off is SO gonna help!
so much for my wonderful THINKING!
Sunday, January 20, 2008
contact lens
i officially declared as of this moment, i CANT use contacts lens anymore.
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my eyes will always hv dat fucking berdenyut2 pain after like 30mins to an hr wearing it.
bloody fuck agn lor!
after taking it out, then my eyes will be all red.
Thnk god i didnt buy the black one.
i so so SO wanna get it!
*shrugs*
so now, i hv since returned my mum all e contacts back.
fuck e eyes again man! shitty fucking balls!
bigger n higher
bigger hopes = higher expectation = bigger disappointment.
fuck.
can i get wasted tonight?
really really wasted?
Friday, January 18, 2008
back to basic
am bored with all the layouts offered by various sites.
and not to mention all the hassle that comes with it.
so finally, yours truly is back to basic!
and i find it SO much more simpler.
SIMPLE = NICE !
as usual have tonnes to blog about, especially lately with all the happenings in my life.
but, will only do so tomorrow, as my eyes are tired after hours at the screen and i NEED my BEAUTY SLEEP.
I still have to get up at 0600am and drag myself to work lor tommorow.
and i hate working on Saturdays, period!
why hasnt my c/o switch to 5 days work week huh??
fucking siens.
*Long siiiggghhhhhsssssssss*
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
random.
Negro
had a horrible time today.
was tailed by a fucking Negro. so fucking scary!
i dont wanna type every single details out now. cos i simply dont wanna be reminded of it.
but seriously, the feeling of being tailed by someone from 3 mrt stns to all e way to yr neighbourhood is super fucking fucking spine-chilling scary la, trust me!
my heart was like beating oh-so fast.
Living on my own
so, finally my mum has consented to me living alone. Living independently.
no rent needed and absolutely no bill payments at the end of e month.
lucky or wat?
but on 2nd thougts, i think im not up for it.
cause, thats not living independently on yr own. how to, when everything is paid by Mama?
so sien lor like dat.
and for another reason, the house is like way too big for me.
way too big for me to reside alone by myself.
4 rm flat all for me? ermm.. thnk u but NO.
plus whenever im alone in e hse, it really does gvs me e creeps.
n i have had 'experience' there. so 'nuff said y'all.
and another reason being, im not yet a master in e cooking field.
and i dont wanna rely on outside food or fast food.
certainly not healthy lor.
next reason is, at this moment im not e strong aini.
im e aini that is prone to breakdwns now,
n having said that, i can alr visualise that if i do stay alone there,
i think its just a matter of time before i really gonna hv a nervous breakdwn.
and finally, the last reason is, i love to drink lah all rite?
so if i stay alone, im definitely gonna buy loads of booze n drink myself to death.
im running awy, rmb? so im gonna numb myself.
im gonna self terminate. im shutting myself off.
and thus the need for me to turn to booze. - for the booze always helps, wout a doubt!
but, but, but i dun wanna be a alcoholic at my tender age of only 20.
so im gonna be smart n say no to living at jrg west all alone.
atleast stayin with nenny i know im not that exposed to drinking daily.
and plus there's food to be eaten after werk daily, no housework to do at all as there's always my domestic helper, not to forget i can always rely on acap n syada n pop over to their house.
but on e other side, e politics if it.. ermm ermm...
oh well, u simply cant hv e best of both worlds rite?
life is never a box of chocs anyway.
random
1 - pple nowadays are so fictional eh?
do they rili think everything goes behind monitor screens?
sigh!
2 - i miss my late nights, my parties, my shots, the dancefloor, my clubbing kakis.
3 - n also i miss ida. ida, u've been missed. n fuck LC, havent call to gv me cert! kuku bird!
4 - im shutting off, seriously. im self terminating. : )
Sunday, January 13, 2008
thoughts of mine..
one must be smart enuff not to get too deeply embroiled in it.
keyword here is : SMART. but really, do u think humans can get that smart? then why are there mistakes.?
Some mistakes are erasable but some are, unfortunately NOT.
Live the present, not the past nor the future.
*sighs* if only its that fucking easy!
shud i be glad dat things are happening this way or shud i be smart enuff to fend it all away?
sometimes i wish life is as easy and as clear cut as math. where u can have only 1 right answer.
no matter what i say, what i do, what i intend to do, or what my decision is, there's always a contradicting factor to it. fuck uh. BIG TIME FUCK UH!
can i run away from it?
run away from reality?
run away from faces of Earth?
run away from all this crap?
run away from pple?
i know running is never a good option, for it never solves the prob.
but dont u ever wish that u can just run away from all e crap shit?
if given the chance, i know i wud for sure! but not forever thou. till when im strong enuff to face it again, i'll be back.
can i choose to write my own life?
choose to have WHO in my life?
choose to have who as a passerby in my life?
choose whatever i wanna choose?
can i?can i?can i?can i?can i?
can i?can i?can i?can i?
can i?can i?can i?
can i?can i?
can i?
i know im over-analyzing matters.
its in ME uh.
i cant help it but to over-analyze.
like i said, im e cautious type.
so my worries are called for.
over-analyzing - i chose to think of it as one of my strong traits, but no doubt its also my downfall.
im stupid only once.
only once pple, fucking geddit!
i shall never let myself be in the same spot again.
never ever again. for i am wiser now.
no matter how u thought,
how strong that someone is,
or how she always make e right decisions,
they still are prone to have moments like this.
its all only but human nature.
decisions
how are we to know if the decision we gonna make is the right one?
shud we just take e risk?
or shud we refrain ourselves frm makin it n carry on living our lives wout knowing what will happen had we took e decision?
whats e worst dat cud happen if we took e decision?
sure, it beats u living to regret it?
i guess it all boils down to how u handle e situation or e decision.
im e cautious type. i am extra wary n careful after all those shits.
so nuff said abt me n risk taking. need no elaboration further.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Major Plans for 2008
ok... so here are my MAJOR plans for 2008
*all of which are in no particular order all rite?*
- To take my private GCE 'O' Levels - 6 subjects. and to ace it of course.
Subjects im taking are :
- English
- Math
- Pure Biology
- Malay
- Pure History
- Pure Literature
well.. the first 3 subjects are core, meaning like it or no i have to take it. But if given a choice i really really dont wanna take math. I have so seriously forgotten all e god-damned formulaes. My brain has gotten all rusty in regards to Math. Fuck!
- To take up car driving licence - auto definitely!
- To rent a house and live out on my own OR with a couple of close frens as my flatmates.
- To go laser off my fucking hideous, silly tattoo - nuff said!
maybe e lasering of e inks may have to wait.. like really, really wait.. cause it oh-so fucking expensive! well well, blame yrself silly ainie. nobody point a gun to yr head and asked u to do it at that point of time right?
But.. but but.. pple learn frm mistake[s] right?
so do i!
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Friends.
i wish i have more friends who are more independent to want to live out on their own.
*sighs*
n FINALLY!
im done deleting the unknown pples on my friendster list.
