Saturday, September 27, 2008
The Bottom Line
You deserve a break from all of the heavy analytical thinkin you have been doing.
In Detail
Today, you deserve a break from all the heavy analytical thinking you have been doing at work or school. Instead, step back from the arguments and issues and let everyone else deal with the headaches for a while. You've paid your dues and put your fair share of energy into the problem. This is a day when you should focus on doing some fun things -- you'll find playing with children especially rewarding, right now. There's something about their imaginative energy that will invigorate you
So, i suppose it's telling me, that i should go ahead with my hols plans? Even if there's nobody for companion.?
btw, im left w 5 more days.. arrrrggggghhhhhhhhhh~~~ this is BAD.
V E R Y B A D O K A Y !!!
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Im sick. I've been hit by the blocked nose. I can sense that a fever is on its way to catch up w me. I am tired from constant sneezing. My voice sounds like im just done w crying.
On top of that, its my time of the month. I cant fast. Bloody fish nuggets. The cramps hurts like a total son of a bitch! I was practically rolling, tossing, turning with tears flowing at Mum's bed. I had already popped 6 painkillers. 4 of the same one, 2 others. And damn, its still not working! Mum told me, she really had a strong mind to call the ambulance. I was crying like a small child, crying terribly. To alleviate the pain, i tried to sleep but coudnt. But instead i caught forty winks. And that made me had a migraine. So more tossing, turning, rolling and sighing. Thank god after the 6th painkiller, the pain had somewhat subside a little. That was at 6+pm. Mom told me to take painkillers every 2hrs. Now : 1058pm, so far still ok but im already feeling some mini cramps. The kickoff is usually mini. I betta pop somemore painkillers. Gosh, how i freaking hate menstrual cycles.
Moving on, i went to Geylang yesterday. I was there barely 4hrs and i couldnt take it. I didnt even walked further down. I was ard the vicinity of City Plaza, Tanjong Katong Complex and the makeshift market. Saw a few familiar faces, met some old friends, exchanged nums, hi's and bye's. Afterwhich make our way down to Bugis V. Ironically 1st person to came to mind was him, cos earlier on that day, we were having convos abt Bugis V. God, think i am obsessed w him huh? Haa.
Broke fast at TongSeng coffeeshop. Damn, i hate that uncle and auntie. I was already having mood swings due to PMS and there he is making a fool outta us, making us shift couple of times, to n fro between 2 table.My mind went haywire and i said something. Mom looked at me, as i normally dont do this is public. But yesterday was PMS day, so i was so very fucking pissed. I was literally shaking, i knew i had to said / do something spiteful, raised my voice a little to let off some steam. I wasnt really shouting thou, just raised my voice a little. I fucking hate that Uncle and Auntie!
Oh n yea, before i forget, guess what i saw? 2 malay guys, prolly younger then me - i highly believe so, parading infront of us wout a tee / top, not even a singlet?! Showing off his stupid silly hideous, unsightly, revolting tattoo eh perhaps? Cmon, u can do better! Dont parade infront of so many pple when u know yr tats isnt wonderful enuff and yr body is SO not hunk enuff. U are just making a spectacle of yrself. My guess is that, he still believes that its still the Young & Dangerous era now. Hah! Luckily my food have not arrived otherwise i swear i could have vomited out the food there and then just to show him how repulsive i think he is.
Ok, this was supposed to be short entry pple. I wanted to switch off my notebook at 1030pm just now and head to lalaland! Now, its already 1113pm. Dang! ok, so long n nitey nites readers. Great working / schooling week ahead!
Aside to Babe, gate kecik ok besok? jgn lupe kol badang oke Mdm Helal Uddin Badal Shike Singh?
Aside to Fai, happy advanced bday! Sorry, cant celebrate yr bday w u. Busy working as always man!
Aside to Fab, i miss u man dude! Defer NS bole? Ive already make loads of plans after Ramadan.
Aside to Pulot itam aka Norfy, i miss u too Non!!!! Friday date set oke kambing?
Aside to Syella, no worries, i wont forget yr bday gift! n kau biar lemak2 sikit, biar da jgn campo sdare.
Aside to Fai, happy advanced bday! Sorry, cant celebrate yr bday w u. Busy working as always man!
Aside to Fab, i miss u man dude! Defer NS bole? Ive already make loads of plans after Ramadan.
Aside to Pulot itam aka Norfy, i miss u too Non!!!! Friday date set oke kambing?
Aside to Syella, no worries, i wont forget yr bday gift! n kau biar lemak2 sikit, biar da jgn campo sdare.
ok da, da abes.
The past few weeks have been exceptionally blur. All happening too fast. Hectic but eventful too i must say.
Instead of seeing my pile of work decreasing, somehow it turns out to be the very opposite. Papers kept coming in one after e other, be it trng attendance, trng notices, invoices, trng forms etcs. I didnt know that there's gazillions things to do in trng. Here I am, yet to start clearing for Jul/Aug, and already i had received for e mth of Nov's. On top of that, there's still e daily manpower reports, daily in-hse planning, occasional franking, updating, data-entry, occasional tabulation of feedback forms, misc duties of mass highlighting for all involved depts etc.
Not that im complaing abt the wrk, i love it actually. What's not to love, when u know u have yr best laughing pill in e same office, just withing walking distance w u? And a couple other motivators which i shall not divulge more here. Im ok w e work, really. Just that some of it, its very time-consuming, so most time, wout me realizing, 15 - 30mins are already gone when im only half way or three-quarter e paper. And the next thing u knew, its already lunchtime or knock-off time.
Talk about laughing pill, now, eversince Babe joined KSG, i've been laughing for like more den 12hrs daily. And its tiring to laugh for more den 12hrs daily, trust me! But it sure as hell beats the sulking gloomy dark faces that we usually see. And Babe, im not whining about it! Infact, u are one of the MAJOR contributing motivating factor as to why im looking forward to work daily and why my energy level is always up.
-- OK, I KNOW, ITS E WKENDS, SO ENUFF ABT WRK! --
Recently ive been on a major eating out session w Babe. We had Ikea's den Popeye's, Sumo Hse's, Banquet, Nasi Ayam Penyet, some coffeeshops in e neighbourhood. Did i miss out on any? I think e 3kg that i had shed, e last time i checked must have been gained back already by now. Infact, i suppose it definitely has doubled or worst, tripled! Note to self : to go check agn 2mr! Put 2 gluttons or shall i say, food lovers together, this is the usual outcome expected. PS : aside to Babe, dun forget NewYork NewYork, Pariss Intl n where else?
I have tonnes of pics to be uploaded but as usual im freaking lazy to plug in e data cable eventhou e cable is already in my bag which is within my arm's reach. Yes, i am that damn lazy can? As of this moment, my eyes is already struggling to keep up n stay open. So i dont hv to elaborate more on uploading n stuffs. Like anyone haven't know, uploading anything is sucha bitch! I swear i can doze off on my notebook now if i were to upload all those 40 or 70-ish pics.
I have tonnes of pics to be uploaded but as usual im freaking lazy to plug in e data cable eventhou e cable is already in my bag which is within my arm's reach. Yes, i am that damn lazy can? As of this moment, my eyes is already struggling to keep up n stay open. So i dont hv to elaborate more on uploading n stuffs. Like anyone haven't know, uploading anything is sucha bitch! I swear i can doze off on my notebook now if i were to upload all those 40 or 70-ish pics.
Today he told me something that is really off guard. My heart literally stopped for a while just now. I was already looking at him w mouth semi-open. Thank god after he cleared e air, its not as what i thought it is. I wonder how am i gonna survive for that 1 month. He never fail to shock me, be in indirectly or not or even intentionally or not. And i dont really welcome this kinda surprises. But i like the fact that he let me know beforehand and not at e last min or none at all. I cudnt help asking why did he tell me? Was it all just purely in the name of work or just him telling me out of his own accord.? If its e first reason, why would he tell me this early? he could jolly well wait till like e last week to it and break e damn news to me? And it its because of the latter, why would he wanna let me know? Perhaps, its just me reading too much into this.
Today we didnt just exchanged merely pleasantries, we talked alot. A WHOLE LOT actually. And on crucial time like this, my peasy brain chose to die on me. Die in the sense that its not thinking, not working. Not generating any ideas/questions/topics n etcs. Damn this peasy brain! Here I am, trying soooo sooo hard to avert his gaze, not to look him in the eye, and afterwhich only to have him asking me to look at him directly face-on. Cool or what!? And to top it off, when already we hit moments of silence, when both of us have nothing to say, he still can stand there n look at me, in e eyes ok, no less! His body language gv me some hints, but i dont dare to go w my gut feeling or instinct with matters concerning him. Who knows, it may just be me clapping on one hand. Plus, i am no body language master or expert, for the record!
Monday, im gonna summon all my courage to ask him e big question. I've decide. Be it good or bad, i hope i hv e strength to take it.
Today we didnt just exchanged merely pleasantries, we talked alot. A WHOLE LOT actually. And on crucial time like this, my peasy brain chose to die on me. Die in the sense that its not thinking, not working. Not generating any ideas/questions/topics n etcs. Damn this peasy brain! Here I am, trying soooo sooo hard to avert his gaze, not to look him in the eye, and afterwhich only to have him asking me to look at him directly face-on. Cool or what!? And to top it off, when already we hit moments of silence, when both of us have nothing to say, he still can stand there n look at me, in e eyes ok, no less! His body language gv me some hints, but i dont dare to go w my gut feeling or instinct with matters concerning him. Who knows, it may just be me clapping on one hand. Plus, i am no body language master or expert, for the record!
Monday, im gonna summon all my courage to ask him e big question. I've decide. Be it good or bad, i hope i hv e strength to take it.
1 month, it is possible?
2days wout him is already very torturing, felt as if something's amiss, talk about a mth?!
oh wells, maybe this cud be a blessing in disguise from Allah? who knows in this way, i could n might forget all of him - all e illusions, e hopes, anything pertaining to him perhaps?
2days wout him is already very torturing, felt as if something's amiss, talk about a mth?!
oh wells, maybe this cud be a blessing in disguise from Allah? who knows in this way, i could n might forget all of him - all e illusions, e hopes, anything pertaining to him perhaps?
Thursday, September 11, 2008
The feelings have kinda mellow down abit now. And honest to god, i DONT like that!
i still wanna live in the fantasy can? i wanna wallow in my own self despair, even when i know its not gonna be fruitful at all.I still get the jitters, or butterflies in e stomach during certain hours of the day like when im expecting him. My heart still do the jumping jets, and flip-abouts. When he is in front if me, be it weather we exchanged pleasantries or not, just his presence alone is enuff to send my adrenaline rushing all the way up to e brain. I swear to god, i cud have gotten brain freeze if i hadnt had it all under control.
Now, i find it exceptionally hard to look and talk to him in the eye or face. Damn exceptionally hard, really! Cause evrytime, when i look him straight on, like it or not or intentionally or not, my mind will be auto reminded that he already hv someone else. I cudnt help thinking that she may be waiting for him patiently while he work his arse off now so that someday when his finance is finally stable, he is sure gonna ask for her hand.
Now, i find it exceptionally hard to look and talk to him in the eye or face. Damn exceptionally hard, really! Cause evrytime, when i look him straight on, like it or not or intentionally or not, my mind will be auto reminded that he already hv someone else. I cudnt help thinking that she may be waiting for him patiently while he work his arse off now so that someday when his finance is finally stable, he is sure gonna ask for her hand.
i know i am reading too much, way too much into this. I cudnt help it, u noe. U pple feel me? I doubt u will. Its damn hard to put into words.
As i've mentioned in my earlier post, i still AM very much madly, crazily having the hots for him.
It is still as very overwhelming as how it use to be. Evn tho it kinda hurts to know that he already had a gf. Kinda? Heck! who e hell am i kidding?! It bloody sodding HURT ALOT. ALOT OKE?! And despite knowing that, i still held out a tiny glimpse of hope that e info or hearsay ive heard abt him hvg a gf is baseless.
Then again, even if its baseless, what will eventually come out of it? Nothing, none, ZILCH.
Not as if im gonna announce to him that i have e hots for him or vice versa - (in my dreams eh, perhaps?)
Not as if im gonna announce to him that i have e hots for him or vice versa - (in my dreams eh, perhaps?)
I dun have the courage to ask him anything in regards to his BGR life, for i fear that someday when he knew that ive been carrying a torch for him, things will be awkward btwn us. I mean afterall, i still have to meet / see him on a daily basis, u know?
Talking abt which, i think one of the major contributing factor on why my feelings are SO overwhelming is because i see him on a daily basis! Yes, thats why! Pple say absence makes the heart grows fonder, i must say in my case, it is the total opposite oke!
Sometimes i think, the reason of me not questioning his BGR life was because im scared to be dissapointed. Granted with those looks, im so sure there are dozens of girls apart from me, who will go gaga over him.
Then again, sometimes i tell myself to STOP acting like a lovelorn teen. I am already way past beyond my teen age. Again, i must say, stuffs like this are pretty hard to say. There's no telling abt love and all. It just comes n bite u in the ass.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
The Bottom Line
Things have been unequal between you and someone else. It's time to balance it all.
In Detail
Things have been pretty heavy with you and someone else, although not unpleasantly so. But today, you need to balance that energy out. Stick to lighter topics and trivial matters. Instead of having a heart to heart talk for hours, why not just take in a movie or go bowling? Not every exchange has to be profound to be important. Show this person that you are multifaceted and capable of being goofy as well as intellectual. They're curious about every part of you.
Exactly who is the someone else? i cudnt help wondering. Lighter topics, trivial matters? I thought all along i had been sticking to very LIGHT matters?! having a heart to heart talk for hours, damn how i wish for that!
Saturday, September 6, 2008
i was already halfway thru the entry but apparently my eyes couldnt take it anymore. I already save it under drafts thou.
Btw, did i mention i get myself a new specs alr? The one that i always wanted. Teehee!
God, sometimes how i freaking HATE her, can?! Obviously incurring my wrath! tsk!
Btw, my horoscope for today : -
The Bottom Line
Btw, did i mention i get myself a new specs alr? The one that i always wanted. Teehee!
God, sometimes how i freaking HATE her, can?! Obviously incurring my wrath! tsk!
Btw, my horoscope for today : -
The Bottom Line
Harmony between you and your coworkers is at an all-time high. Fun is being had!
In Detail
The harmony between you and your coworkers is at an all-time high, right now, and it is certainly music to your ears. The camaraderie between all of you is downright seductive, and it could create a new friendship out of professional partnership. If you feel like increasing the amount of socializing you do with these people, then by all means go for it, as soon as possible. But just be careful that you don't get too carried away. There are complications that you haven't considered.
So, remain status quo or go for it? Then again, its been said, if u wanna dream, dream BIG!
PS : i have a very, VERY strong mind to delete my friendster acct as i no longer update, so i figure why bother yea? But then, i love reading their horoscope! Shucks!
Friday, September 5, 2008
I just had a very hot soothing satisfying bath. And i thought it will help. Usually in most cases, 9 out of 10 times, after i had a very longggg hot bath, everything will be back to normal mode. My astrological zodiac sign is a Cancer, u see. Thus, my element is Water. Naturally a hot / cold soak or hours long of shower in the bathroom will set my pace back in the right track on Earth, but for today that doesnt quite does the trick.
When i heard it, i felt as thou i had took a very bad fall. a very bad crushing fall. My world is gloomy and in total darkness suddenly. Total pitch black. I really am stumped. i dunnoe what to say or react but me being me, i tried VERY hard to compose myself. I hold back n fight back my tears which was on the verge of falling. The smiles, laughters and talks was all just a pretence, i confess. I cudnt possible breakdown in front of her, she may think i a loose case for losing it suddenly. In actual fact, i was already shivering n shaking but i just brushed it off and told her that its kinda cold in there.
i knew this was coming from the beginning. i knew it frm e start that eventually it will never work out. But still i kept harping on it.vAs a matter of fact i think i had it coming. For now, I am certainly, absolutely not expecting this kind of news at all. Not saying that the thought did not cross my mind, it did actually. I just dont wanna elaborate it. Why borrow trouble when u already have more then enough worries on your plate? Wudnt say im shocked too as i kinda anticipating this. It was also a matter of time anyway. Sooner or later, i still will n have to know about it. Just that it came so suddenly that it left me dumbfounded for quite a while there. The term of "expect the unexpected" really live up to its name, i must say.
i just dont understand why am i feeling this way. Betrayal and being stabbed in the back repeatedly many times. Thing is, i dont even have anything goin on w him in the 1st place, but i just cant explain why am i reacting like this. The feeling of great, enormous, immense dissapointment and hurt? Do u pple read me? I dont feel a tinge of jealousness at all thou. I somehow wished i would be jealous and all. But no, I just felt being STRONGLY betrayed.
I thought all along i can handle this kinda stuff very well, but apparently my judgement fail me.
Yesternight i had a very long talk w Bitch, she made me realise some stuffs and see some things which is in his perspective. All of which i am blinded by. But now, seems like all of those wont matter anymore.
Funny how he can make me feel like on cloud 9, 7 seven, all hyped up and brings me down to misery, dissapointment in a short span of less then 6hrs. Yes, the very same one and only person.
Well, better now then later right they say? Then again, their say doesnt help cause ultimately u're e one dealing w this.
When i heard it, i felt as thou i had took a very bad fall. a very bad crushing fall. My world is gloomy and in total darkness suddenly. Total pitch black. I really am stumped. i dunnoe what to say or react but me being me, i tried VERY hard to compose myself. I hold back n fight back my tears which was on the verge of falling. The smiles, laughters and talks was all just a pretence, i confess. I cudnt possible breakdown in front of her, she may think i a loose case for losing it suddenly. In actual fact, i was already shivering n shaking but i just brushed it off and told her that its kinda cold in there.
i knew this was coming from the beginning. i knew it frm e start that eventually it will never work out. But still i kept harping on it.vAs a matter of fact i think i had it coming. For now, I am certainly, absolutely not expecting this kind of news at all. Not saying that the thought did not cross my mind, it did actually. I just dont wanna elaborate it. Why borrow trouble when u already have more then enough worries on your plate? Wudnt say im shocked too as i kinda anticipating this. It was also a matter of time anyway. Sooner or later, i still will n have to know about it. Just that it came so suddenly that it left me dumbfounded for quite a while there. The term of "expect the unexpected" really live up to its name, i must say.
i just dont understand why am i feeling this way. Betrayal and being stabbed in the back repeatedly many times. Thing is, i dont even have anything goin on w him in the 1st place, but i just cant explain why am i reacting like this. The feeling of great, enormous, immense dissapointment and hurt? Do u pple read me? I dont feel a tinge of jealousness at all thou. I somehow wished i would be jealous and all. But no, I just felt being STRONGLY betrayed.
I thought all along i can handle this kinda stuff very well, but apparently my judgement fail me.
Yesternight i had a very long talk w Bitch, she made me realise some stuffs and see some things which is in his perspective. All of which i am blinded by. But now, seems like all of those wont matter anymore.
Funny how he can make me feel like on cloud 9, 7 seven, all hyped up and brings me down to misery, dissapointment in a short span of less then 6hrs. Yes, the very same one and only person.
Well, better now then later right they say? Then again, their say doesnt help cause ultimately u're e one dealing w this.
To make things worst, look what's in my daily horoscope for today : -
The Bottom Line
Something that someone says to you today will leave you stunned -- and confused.
In Detail
Something that someone says today will leave you stunned -- and confused. They are showing you a side of themselves that you have never seen before, and it might take you a while to get used to it. And if you are feeling indecisive about how to react, don't beat yourself up. And do not rush to decide how this changes your feelings about this person. Give them the benefit of the doubt, because that's what they've given you so many times in the past.
This is what i get eh, for letting my heart wins?
Yea, i think so too.
Yea, i think so too.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
I CUDNT STOP SMILING SINCE 5PM JUST NOW.
I AM BEYOND HAPPY CAN.
MY MIND CANT FUNCTION WELL.
TOO HAPPY AND ALL SMILES TO CONCENTRATE.
I AM DELIRIOUS WITH JOY CAN?
*DONT MIND THE CAPS OK, THIS IS JUST TO EMPHASISE ON HOW HAPPY AM I*
And before i forget, Happy Birthday Bitch. WE LOVE U, u know that!
AKM, without fail daily,
Off to bed now, a brand new day at work awaits me tommorow.
CANT WAIT! Teehee!
Monday, September 1, 2008
So i didnt kept my word. I didnt update.
I have loads to update but im kinda lazy to type, so i figure in point forms will do too yea?
- Watched 4Bia w Ms Sheila at The Cathay. Movie was good. Humour plus horror. Damn that Princess Sophia! She got me all so freaking terrified!
- And guess what, we were partly hiding behind the shawl. Thank god for it, otherwise im sure gonna hv nightmares. If any of u dont already know, i am a big time scaredy cat ok! That, i'll admit.
- Afterwhich some procrastination, decide to dine at Mad Jack Paradiz Centre, nothing to rave about the food actually.
- Saw TB. Yes, the same TB that u girls shout yrself till hoarse each time he appears on screens or heard on radio.
- Finally, had my Baileys ice cream at Nectarie.
- Nectarie's waffles are freaking finger licking! Add on some crunchy ice cream w caramelized bananas, it'll get u all drooling!
- Last Sat, i wasnt in any mood to party at all, can u believe that? And this is coming from someone who profess herself to be a die-hard party rockstar / goer ?! hah!
- went for a shopping frenzy and make purchases like i've never shopped before.
- But am very, VERY happy w my purchases.
- Finally i now know his name, so no more AMAR. His legal, official name and not some silly nicks or surname that he is commonly known as.
- Could not stop smiling since the 2nd half of the day till now.
- Eventually shared my smiles n joys w pples ard me, but ofcourse not telling em e real reason.
- to the extent, pple asked me, "Aini, u so happy eh today?"
- well, what more can i say?
- i dun deny a part of me wished to just stop it here and not bother to know more cause i dun wanna get too hopeful n all
- but somehow the stubborn part says go ahead, better now then later.
- i know, for the umpteenth time i emphasise, it will NOT work out, but for now, lets just leave it at that.
- I prefer to let the feelings slowly subside by itself.
- I knew it wudnt blossom. Put it in a metaphorical way, He's somewhat like A and me, Z or maybe i'll describe it like this better : He's like e blood type of A+ and me is of B-. Put both together, u know it will never blend.
Sincerely Yours, AKM. LOL. hahah!
