Monday, July 27, 2009
it continues..
i didnt sleep peacefully last night. i ony caught forty winks. Kept on tossing n turning in bed, finally drifted off to sleep sumwhere after 1230 or so. Even that, I woke up at every hour and i forced myself back to sleep again.
Im having migrane now. I dunno if the cause of it was due to lack of sleep or thinking too much. I cant concentrate at work, i am not focused. Heck, i dun even noe what e hell have i been doing for the past 8hrs or so.
Im gonna be in the office till 9 tonite. And thats how i plan to keep myself occupied from now on. So that way, atleast i know my mind wont run wild to entertain all those thoughts.
I've just finished talkin to him on the phone. And it pained me even more. So much more that what u people can imagine.
I am not cryin on the outer, not yet for now. But my heart is ripping inside. And this is what i called - a self slow death.
Now on mind playing : - Hampa Hatiku
Sunday, July 26, 2009
emo rabak
Quick update : -
- had a crazzzyyyy mad happenning bday chalet !
- unexpectedly got myself a cake frm bby.
- thousand, no.. million THNKS for my usual suspects - bby n star, lee n ipin, lynn, meimei, zee, mo, ain who came n make it alot more crazzy!
- received a bouquet of lovely flowers, lilies to be exact, delivered to me at my workplace on my bday. :D
- met up with my belurved ITE mates
- watched Transformers at e big screen twice, and trust me - its no enuff!
- catched Harry Potter and the half blood prince on e very first day it was aired at the screen n boy, its was a waste of my fucken money! The story line is so damn flat!
- extremely down n sad now.
- really really really an emotional wreck. mind is not thinking straight
- cannot help but to keep thinking of it. Boohoo.
It drop like a bombshell to me when he told me the big news. I was so speechless. Nothing came out of my mouth. All i cud say is just - oh n wow. God, i dun even noe how to react. Should i be happy for him? Mad at him? Or sad for myself?
It sucks to know exactly when he is leaving. Leaving, god damnit! For GOOD. Migrating for fuck sake! Tell me, how am i supposed to take it lying down n be ok abt it??! I'll be lying thru my teeth n deluding myself if i were to say im ok. I dont wanna be delusional.
We're like living on borrowed time. The situation at hand is akin to u loving someone who got a terminal disease n dying in.. say like.. 4 more mths. Tell me, are u ok w it ??
To look at it frm a differen angle, its good cos we havnt go on into a rship, so eventually it wont hurt dat much.
But it also pain me like a son of a bitch, knowing dat we cant hv a relationship together.
But it also pain me like a son of a bitch, knowing dat we cant hv a relationship together.
farkfarkfark.
11more months. Long way to go, some may say. But it will pass like a twinklin of an eye.
Like i said, we gonna be living on borrowed time. The time we have will be so limited. N now, knowing that we ony got 11more mths, all e more it will make me wanna exceed it.
i honestly am losing sleep over this. And im not ok, people.
Drinking my sorrows down doesnt help at all.
Say whatever u wanna say pple. Call me a loser or whatsoever, bby.
Seriously, it is taking its toll on me.
Drinking my sorrows down doesnt help at all.
Say whatever u wanna say pple. Call me a loser or whatsoever, bby.
Seriously, it is taking its toll on me.
Nothing hurts more than to be frens with someone, knowing you're both in love with each other and yet not being able to be together.
Maybe like what Lee said yest, to cease contact w each other is eventually the best way for now.
Lee, Lynn - thnks for e company n for being there when i need someone to pour out my woes to.
Lee, Lynn - thnks for e company n for being there when i need someone to pour out my woes to.
Listening to : - i dont love you by MCR
Thursday, July 9, 2009
time of the year
And so, its e time of the year again. And im not feeling happy/delighted at all.Somehow, i am devoid of all the excitement which i should be having.Well, its just a day. It will pass by like any other.Trust me, it will. All along, for the past few consecutive yrs, it has been like dat. So, there wont be any exception for this yr.
Rcvd calls in e office where well wishes came pouring in, along with questions.Questions like wat am i doin tonite ? where will i be celebrating ? why am i werkin today ? Whr was i, at e eve of my day . doing wat ? And to dat - i replied : at home, doing my laundry. Yes, i am boring, pathetic n a no life mutherfarker like dat. That certainly ceased all other questions. What a relief !
And customarily, like a annual routine, pple of my immediate ones never fail to make me shed. Not of joy or happiness. But rather its e opposite. And as much as i forbid it to flow, it eventually still rolled down. So sadd isnt it ?
ihatethis. andihateeveryone.
abe kl aku bastard, aku nk paitao krng semua, aku nk cancel chalet aku den matykan hp, amacam ckp? Ok perh?? Aha.
To all my usual suspects - u noe whu u are. See ya tmr or at e chalet. If im der, im der. If u dun see me, den dat means, aku paitau. So, be there or be square. Huhu.
To those yg aku tk invite, tapy kaki gerek dngn aku den text aku. Tkmo feeling shy ok. Ni bkn soal invite tk invite, ni slip of e mind. Mak bz dokk. So fhm2 la kan.
To those yg tk knl aku, or knl aku tapy aku tk brape fancy krng, kl rase tk malu, gatecrash ar partay aku.. Jngn tk jady uhh ok? :)
Happy 22nd, aini.
